The City Emergency Management Agency (CEMA) proudly announced another successful test of the tornado emergency alert system today.
At exactly 11am, on a day with serene blue skies and delightful temperatures in the 70s, the entire city was treated to another “picture perfect” test of the nerve-wracking wail designed to save lives and property in the event of an actual tornado, a spokesman said.
“Another day, another flawless test, “ exulted new CEMA director Malcomb “High Pressure” Ridge. “We are 100% confident we’ll be ready to warn St. Louis’ residents in the event of another devastating storm, like the one last May. Bring it on, Mother Nature!”
On May 16, 2025, an EF3 tornado tore through a major swath of the city, causing fatalities and millions of dollars in property damage. No tornado siren was heard that day, as CEMA officials were too busy to activate it because they were attending an “Extreme Weather Advanced Training Seminar” held in a windowless bunker at City Hall. The seminars are held once a week and often feature “emergency rations” from St. Louis Bread Company, “medicinal alcohol” and music from the Soulard Blues Band, to simulate actual survival conditions after a tornado strike.
“That one caught us off-guard,” Ridge said concerning the May 16 tornado. “We were just finishing our “Pick Two” sandwich/soup emergency lunch kits when someone ran in and alerted us that it was getting kinda dark outside.”
At publishing time, officials were planning their trip to the four-day “National Extreme Weather Training” conference in the Bahamas, held every year in May during the peak month of St. Louis’ tornado season.
